Concert Tickets

You can buy my love with concert tickets

I once used to proudly say

A small music gig a blues festival

And it would make my day

But I started retreating from

The events and the after parties

I became this shell

Happy to live within

So there’s a Bryan Adam’s concert

An artist I loved growing up

I got tickets yes

And boy am I ready to go

But as I sit in my ride

I’m overwhelmed

I head back

Feeling safe in the comfort of my home

Time passes

This time it’s Mayer

I want that ticket

He’s on my bucket list

But anxiety creeps in

As the days close in

On the day of the show

It’s as though I have to belt out Gravity

Tune my guitar for it so

I don’t go

I let the opportunity of a lifetime

Pass by me

There are tears

But my stubborn nature

Won’t let me go

I could say I have issues

I’d rather I go alone to a concert

But I fear that too

So I sit at home

Ignoring the regrets

Had to be in the same room as Mayer

Is now just a dream

So you can buy my love with concert tickets

I just never ever will go

I wrote this when I was elated at having John Mayer’s Solo Tour concert tickets and then I didn’t want to go. So I tucked this poem away in my drafts to see if I had to pull it out.

The happy side is I did go for the concert but not without a lot of inner struggle. I said to myself I was happier at home.

I didn’t feel a strong connect at the concert because it felt like a pilgrimage, my nerves were so jangled and I never can memorize lyrics so can never sing along. Even then John Mayer is not just an artist I follow. I follow him for the person he is and how he makes me feel through his music, his talk shows and recorded live concerts. It was how he created Current Mood as a way of making Sundays seem less heavier that really brought me close. I often say I love to hear John talk more than he can sing. It makes me feel a little less lonely to hear his soothing lullaby voice. As we always love to say here: Love you, Johnie!

I shouldn’t be angry
I shouldn’t hold on
I shouldn’t leave you messages in every little song
It could have been always
It could have been me