Do you need a break? From what?
I’ve had these incredible highs in my career where I’m content, satisfied and enjoying my work and then I bring myself back down and life pushes me into a corner. A corner where I change drastically as a person becoming more fearful of things and not knowing which way to go. Yes I need a break from fear and not knowing the next step to take!
Uncertainty
Somehow when life and all its peripheries seem to be working you seem to others as happier and valued. When these breakdown even though you may be pushing yourself to live a full life something within you brings doubt and uncertainty of any actions you may want to take.
Fear of doing things and not knowing how to tread further is being a little like Humpty Dumpty and being able to never put the pieces together again.
The Unknown
Is fear natural and do you always have to strive to overcome it? Or as my heart believes learn to accept that you fear certain things and sometimes working in your comfort zone is not really such a bad thing. It may just be somebody you are.
Not knowing what lies ahead of you is even more frightening. I have found that in my sabbatical that I’ve had to look for things to keep the days in motion often though stumbling on facets to me even I didn’t know I had. It’s almost like trying to play smart when you know you actually have nothing.
Every decade that I live through I find that I’m none the wiser, neither have I made significant improvement infact I just seem to be taking ten steps back than a step further. Fear and not knowing though has become a part of me and while I can still be brave with certain things I know that I will never be that Super Girl I want to be but always be just me.
Yes but there are times I’d like to crawl out of my fear and not knowing to find darkness ahead to feeling brave, feisty, gregarious and someone who’s always with it.
In all my swaying between two sides of my little debate, to take a break from fear and not knowing would be to inherently take a break from myself, my patterns, my life’s rhythm, my path and how life wishes to lead me on. I know that somewhere deep down it’s making me stronger.
Would you stop loving yourself for the fears you own? Would you give up not knowing to be able to see everything clearly?
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