Waiting on the Day

Different people are afraid of different things. Some even claim to never fear anything at all. Deep down we all are afraid of something because we all want different things. If I had to single out something that I’m afraid of, it would have to be never finding love.

Ever since I must have been a girl of ten my real ambitions were never to make money, or have a big house or be famous at what I do. My only wish was to be happy in love, marry and have children, a happy home. 

Things never go by what you plan for yourself and as the years passed I found love difficult to come by and instead my priority became work the complete opposite of what I wanted. I poured my heart and soul into work because I never had anyone to give my heart to. 

You know that quote about the universe conspiring you to get what you wish for the most. That ain’t true because while I wished and longed for love, love started to become secondary in nature. My life revolved around work.

Till today I fear spending the rest of my years never having a companion, someone to share my life with. That doesn’t mean being single has stopped me from having experiences. I’ve had plenty of memorable moments.

What I miss most is having my own person someone I can share my most intimate thoughts with. I’m really afraid of dying alone and never having loved someone. I just don’t feel whole without another person by me.

Being single means you have your own independence, you can travel the world, you can do almost anything you wish. To me it’s a very lonely feeling getting a meal on your own or exploring a beautiful place, without having another person’s face smiling out in your photographs, basically the memories that two can make as opposed to one completely on their own.

I think love can make you a happier person and it scares me to see myself grow into a more withdrawn and lonely person without love and companionship.

On the one hand it’s something I fear but on the other it makes me stronger because I have only myself to rely on for my happiness. I learnt early to be happy in my own company.

So while I live my life on my own terms, find ways to be happy, see the pyramids along the Nile, watch the sunrise on a tropical isle, like my favorite Annie Lennox song. I’m still waiting on the day when someone would come and say, “You belong to me.”

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