Cindy

What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?

I’ve grown up with one dream of getting married and having a family. Life had different things in store for me. I had to be my own man.

I learnt early that love wasn’t going to come easy to me and in a natural way work always became a priority. I didn’t have a smooth career graph and soon life became all about finding a job, keeping one and quitting. A continuous cycle of good times and let downs. This stream of making work my focus barely gave me time to pursue a marriage partner online which I detested from the start.

I looked deep within for my own company to kill my loneliness and in time it grew to be a quiet and comforting solitude.

I’ve never been as ambitious a person so “having it all” would now and forever always mean finding that true love. A person you can talk to, love, notice the world together with, share each others victories and sorrows and someone to sit by me where loneliness usually fills that space.

Is it attainable? To think in my forties I still have a flicker of hope that love will arrive in some way and there will be better days ahead to look forward to.

Having it all

Fairytales show you a Prince on a white horse

Part of that little girl believes the story

But I’m just a Rapunzel with my hair cut short

Work is priority not love

Candle night dinners and dancing

Are a thing for the dreams

Waking up to face reality

To the sound of the alarm clock is more like it

I lead a slower life now

I have no one to work for

No husband or child

It’s just me all the time

But I want to have it all

A pretty home to call my own

Sitting with my beloved with a cup of tea

Rainy days under the sheets

Long drives and sing alongs

I want to have it all

Show up for him when he needs me the most

Love him even when there’s no love at all

Hold his hand when he’s afraid more than I am

Stand by him through his hard times

I want to have it all

The holidays where we find nutty things to do

Laughter filling our days

An orange peach iced tea for our afternoon chat

Helping him pick the right shirt for his white pants

Twinning in navy

And holding hands

Starry night conversations

And reading books by night

I want to have it all

Love, lust, companionship

And I want to find when all of that breaks

That there is still love to hold on to

I want to have it all

I sadly am still that girl hoping for her Prince

Still that Cindy who would want to have it all

My have it all is a Grimm’s Fairy Tale

Attainable maybe?

The Grimm Brothers would know